Work, Weekends, and Weather

Its so nice out side, like i mean its just beautiful i want to lay out in the sun with some lemonade or ice tea and a really good book.and to top it off its a beautiful FIRDAY!!!!

although i have like 3 papers and a oral presentation i have to do.. wait 4 papers i'm still excited about the weekend. The only problem i have is I cant go to hepcat T.T i was looking forward to it all week and last week... but well things come up like work cram at the end of the semester.


But that will not take away this amazing mood i have and i away to hear what my friends who do go have to say about the wonder that is hepcat. but i do miss the school and all that we had... to think how closer i have gotten to so many people. When i see them even if we did not talk much in school i still can have an amazing discussion. ;.; now thats community man.

life

there are times when i want to kill myself and then right after i feel an overpowering need to kill others instead..... life is such a short term thing we all die eventual so fearing it is wasteful. we live to die we die to live.... is there anything better then looking into the face of someone who fears life, like that girl i was strangling, i let go and she lived (to fight again tomorrow with me) but it was her eyes that really got me. i loved that look...

I'm so tired right now, and i dont think what i wrote is even close to appropriate. then again its only illegal if you follow through not if you think about it.

another inappropriate thought if there was a guy like Hannibal just like the movie the way Anthony Hopkins played him i would love to met and talk to him…. Maybe even more who knows

shit

its been some time sicne well i updated this thing. I've focuse more on my lj right now and my new web site.

but this seemes like the perfict place for this little comment thing i have, why cause no one reads this. I did not tell any of my friends about my blog.... why fuck if i know.

so here it is:

trust, intimacy, random guest at odd hours at night, drinking, my first kiss (cute guy never saw him again... but hey its life and its just a kiss.. right?) late night math study groups, constant fear of not making the grade, money issues, fun walks thought the city with friends, planning sitting out side of Avalon at 6 in the morning just to see dir en grey up close, wondering around alone at 2-3 o'clock in the morning, eating popcorn for dinner, yummys (Chinese food) is my new god, i actually know rap songs, i consider sade and karen as sisters, i can live with 3 other people in the same room, i sleep with the light on when i'm alone, i walk around in my underwear because putting on pants means i have to do more laundry, i'm less stressed here then home, i cry when i'm alone in the room for no reason i can think of, i'm more willing to talk to people now, I miss my friends from high school but i made many new friends in college, for once i dont want to let go of the past, death excites me more now then ever, drunk girls amuse me, drunk men scare me, i let a guy who was drinking drive me and my roommates home, i went out drinking and got drunk for the first time, i crashed at a random friends basement with out her parents knowing, i find myself wanting more things and i hate it, i watch reality tv like project runway flavor flave and real world, I'm in the loop here but out of the loop with everyone else, am i really selfish, will i lose it all when i go to law school, is law school even worth it, i have a social life in-between studying, still boyfriend less but now i'm not as alone, So much is happening at once, i want to just runaway, i look in the mirror and i'm not as disgusted with myself.
wow what did college do to me, i look at what i do and i wonder if i changed... the world is not as it use to be, not like when i was young, now when i look at the city at night i think just how much i love the city and i hate the city with all my heart.


what the fuck happend to me