interesting

Its really interesting to hear all of this... 911 stuff.

I feel horrible about what happened (yeah odd from a sick sadistic bitch) but i have a soft spot too. not like they all deserved to die. plenty of people should not have died and are still being killed because of arrogant and greed and that son of a bitch bush.

whatever i just found out someone relative died and hes dealing with it, this other girl is having problems in school and like everyone is cracking and falling apart.

and through all of this i'm standing still im nothing i gave good advice and shit and i'm supportive but at the same time i can feel this nothingness. like when i heard the names being called all i can think of is shit thats a lot of people.

why do we go through this why do people have to deal with hardships? no one really can answer cause there really is no answer its just interesting to see how like everyone all at once falls. like u can look around its almost like everyone has a meltdown on the same day. well not everyone but a shit load of people u know.

Guess I’ll never really understand it.

Whatever

I kind of just use this little blog as a way to vent when my life kind of sucks or when my needs get to high.

So right now my life doesn’t completely suck ass but i'm starting to wonder if I'll never have any sex. I happen to be quite a traditionalist in this department. So odd for someone like me but what can i say that just who the fuck i am.

I tend to like the idea of having some kinky bondage sex where he holds me down and does what he wants.. then like i turn it around and fuck with him. But thats just something i dont think i'm going to find or get anytime soon. Who wants to do all the foreplay shit anymore.... most people just want to fuck and get it over with. -.- like masturbation doesnt do much i want something more. Like have him at the club see me i see him and he walks to a deserted corner or like room and I follow curious as to what he's going to do. Then he grabs me from behind and holds me down. yeah i know fucked up but its ok if you like know its him. I dont want some fucked up stranger doing shit to me. But hey we all have our little fantasies.

Plus this might be the only think i want that i'm actual not hurting someone.... well at first. Cause then i want to beat him and what not like a dominatrix. I like being in charge and I'm a complete sadist. I really enjoy the idea that someone is hurting. So I cant help if I’m like that in my sex life. All that build up is what makes it so appealing… whatever I’ll deal for now.

And I still need to look for an opportunity to express my inner most needs…