shit

its been some time sicne well i updated this thing. I've focuse more on my lj right now and my new web site.

but this seemes like the perfict place for this little comment thing i have, why cause no one reads this. I did not tell any of my friends about my blog.... why fuck if i know.

so here it is:

trust, intimacy, random guest at odd hours at night, drinking, my first kiss (cute guy never saw him again... but hey its life and its just a kiss.. right?) late night math study groups, constant fear of not making the grade, money issues, fun walks thought the city with friends, planning sitting out side of Avalon at 6 in the morning just to see dir en grey up close, wondering around alone at 2-3 o'clock in the morning, eating popcorn for dinner, yummys (Chinese food) is my new god, i actually know rap songs, i consider sade and karen as sisters, i can live with 3 other people in the same room, i sleep with the light on when i'm alone, i walk around in my underwear because putting on pants means i have to do more laundry, i'm less stressed here then home, i cry when i'm alone in the room for no reason i can think of, i'm more willing to talk to people now, I miss my friends from high school but i made many new friends in college, for once i dont want to let go of the past, death excites me more now then ever, drunk girls amuse me, drunk men scare me, i let a guy who was drinking drive me and my roommates home, i went out drinking and got drunk for the first time, i crashed at a random friends basement with out her parents knowing, i find myself wanting more things and i hate it, i watch reality tv like project runway flavor flave and real world, I'm in the loop here but out of the loop with everyone else, am i really selfish, will i lose it all when i go to law school, is law school even worth it, i have a social life in-between studying, still boyfriend less but now i'm not as alone, So much is happening at once, i want to just runaway, i look in the mirror and i'm not as disgusted with myself.
wow what did college do to me, i look at what i do and i wonder if i changed... the world is not as it use to be, not like when i was young, now when i look at the city at night i think just how much i love the city and i hate the city with all my heart.


what the fuck happend to me