what to do

I just like to use this for things i cant say to anyone. Ideas that get stuck in my head... what do you do when your not like everyone else when your mind cant stop thinking things and then out of nowher its gone. Like I'm back but then every so often she comes back. I wonder if I'm really getting better or if i'm just getting better at hiding the dark from even me.

i want to go into wicca or be a witch.. but i still beleive in god and jesus. i wonder if that is contridictory... well i'm not really one to follow all the teachings of the church anyway so why not explor other religions and see what else is out there.

one thing i dont want to use magic to do harm..... thats what hands are for. I'm to much of a nut to let anything else take the plesure of doing harm on another from me.

i guess i have a few different parts of me one who wants to help one who wants to destry and whatever else parts there are. i guess i should try it out its probably better then me wanting to kill someone or wanting to kill myself. well whatever doesnt make a difference really in the end i dont think it will change much about me or anything i think. but it may be interesting and i like to try anything at least once.... with some exceptions.

i watched our snake kill some small little pinkys and i wonder why we think its ok to do somehting like kill a mouse or kill a dog or whatever but when a person wants to kill another person its like they have issues. but what of all the animals shit i rather see some fucken people die then a poor animal its not like they did anything wrong compared to us. and lets not forget how outraged we get when an animal kills a person well what did you expect we keep killing them... whatever now i sound like a fuckn nut.... well i did before whatever