Im sick

Im makeing my self sick again... im suppose to be moving out soon if we can just get a 4th roommate and get the bitch to give us the lease.

i have that then i have work and then school and i havent sleeped or ate in 4days. so what im feeling is prob due to all of this stresss.... i really need to go out and get some blood, maybe kill a rat or a bug just for a little something.

I cant stand one of the girls i might live with right now... were friends but shes bothering me so much i just want to rip out her through and slize all that fucken fat off her annoying little ass. Maybe smash her in the head with a hammer and crush her bones...

all of which would be a bad idea... to easy to get me if i did any of those...Im better off with something simpler and none ditectable. or i could just set her up... i dont really care i would like to see her die right now.

i wonder where i can get my hands on some acid ive been interested in the effects of it... i want to pour it in something or on someting and watch it break down.... who knows...

I prob wont since i dont have any money to get any of this anyway. I really hate this so much i just hate being this other person that no one knows about. and consintly batteling to keep who i am and not get lost in my desiers or fears.

I dont know but i really cant seem to decide anymore if i want to die or if i want to kill... maybe i really just happen to like death maybe i dont want to die or kill but watch it.

whatever either way i still cant stand that girl i dont even want to talk to her even though i know i have to. im just letting it go for now... lets see what happens...