What is there to do when something u want is so close yet your to afriade to reach out and grab it because deep down either u know u'll kill it or that maybe u dont really deserve it.

Well I dont know what to do. but if anyone knew of this part of me, this part that i put on this site. I dont know what they will say.

Ive never really been enteraly truthful to anyone in my life, sometimes its better not to tell. That way i can let this side grow away from everyones seeing eyes. But that is what makes finding someone i like hard. Cause i know if they found out what i secreatly want to do they'll just leave and i'll have to kill them. Cant have them living if they know. *sigh*

What is it that makes me think such things. Why is it i cant get these thoughts out of my head, they just come and come and i just cant help thinking and getting lost. Maybe im not met to have another how can i if all i can think of is how i want to kill or how i hate this or just well messed up shit in general.

I really cant keep relationships like that up for long, friendships yeah, thats not hard to do but like romantic.... and its not like i can ever get the guys i want...

maybe there are other ways.